Feeling old. Convert to veganism?

Ha. I doubt I have the discipline required to make such a food sacrifice. I've only recently (past few years) discovered piggy bacon & it's well...delicious. However, Jared Leto of 30STM does make the veganism lifestyle look rather yummy & appealing (based on his Instagram photos).

We've been in the new house for over a week now, & I am so glad to say goodbye to Mr. Air Mattress. My sciatica nerve/lower back pain-that-feels-worse-than-childbirth was holding me back from getting all these boxes unpacked. However, I have managed to knock out about 75%. All the big furniture was moved over the weekend, while Noah & I waited for the damn cable guy (10am -noon & then pushed back because the guy was running "a little late" & then doesn't show up after 2pm). Dealing with a teething & semi-grumpy Noah while hubby & guys from work loaded up our bed, Noah's crib, desk, dining table (which was dropped off the balcony), dresser (which had a glass top that shattered during the strap down process was "fun". Husband was supposed to have 3 guys to help out, but only 1 was actually dependable. Maybe the other 2 were afraid of melting in the rain (like the wicked witch in The Wizard of Oz). Eh. At least all the large & heavy items were moved. I ordered enough pizza for a small army, thinking I would need to feed 4 hardworking dudes. Cheers to leftover cold pizza. Reminds me of my college days, minus the weight gain worries.

On another note, I was walking slightly crooked & hunched over, feeling like an 80 year old in a 30 year old's body last week. My mother, who came over to help me with Noah & unpacking (and poke fun of my ailments), nicknamed me "Big Mama". I swear my kid's 1st words will be "Big Mama". Her new nickname for me is her way of reminding me that I still need to lose the baby fat + an additional 50lbs or more. Maybe someday I'll achieve the tiny thin Asian look. Doubtful.

So, yes, I am still struggling to fit into most of my pre-pregnancy clothes. Yes, I am still wearing yoga pants, leggings, over-sized tee shirts, baby doll blouses, sun dresses, and black apparel... Yes, I swear I am eating healthier. The other day my lunch consisted of baby carrots + cucumber slices + roasted red pepper hummus. I even purchased 2 grapefruits from the farmer's market. No, I will absolutely not be wearing a 2-piece swim suit this summer (or probably ever again - stretch marks have tattooed my belly). Oh, well....totally worth it. (:

After child birth, I have noticed some changes to my attitude & body. A friend of mine recently posted something on IG, stating that motherhood has made her a better person. I believe this statement is probably accurate for most mothers. I do, indeed, feel that I am a bit more tolerant & somewhat patient...with the exception of occasionally snapping at my husband & stupid drivers. Don't get me wrong, my husband is great with our son, but I think the lack of sleep has affected us. He rolls his eyes at me & it sets me off. He snores loudly & wakes the baby & I plug his nose with grumpiness. He plays his John Boy & Billy Bob morning show radio broadcast or his metal rock loudly early in the morning & I feel chucking his iPhone out the window (even if I actually like the song or talk radio). 

Yes, I am happy... and sleepy... and cranky 55% of the day... and grateful... and excited... and apparently still hormonal (damn you Johnson & Johnson's commercial - gets me teary-eyed every time)... and still trying to juggle multi-task projects/dreams... It's almost the middle of July & I am already thinking about a housewarming party + Turkey Day + Noah's 1st birthday + my 31st birthday + Christmas + New Years + the parents' anniversary & birthdays. Time to start saving & planning gifts. I've already picked out many gifts for friends & family via online sources & catalogues. i have a list on Target for Noah's birthday & Christmas gifts. Very excited about the future! 

Anyways, it's time to get back on track with life, in general. Graduate school + career options + financial planning + wills + budgeting + schools for Noah + living life to the fullest... (:

On another note, what's up with getting old & getting heartburn? Seriously, this heartburn ailment is quite pestering. I thought it went away after childbirth, but it seems to be sticking around for the long haul. We ate tapas-style dinner the other night & I felt like I was going to spit up lava. Maybe it was the buffalo boneless wings or spicy hot & sweet mustard dipping sauce? I miss the days where I could eat anything my heart desired & not feel like complete & utter crap (or gain a single lb). Getting old is tough! Maybe that's why so many chicks (and older women) cling so desperately to their youth by injecting themselves with Botox & going under the knife for the sake of beauty. Sad, but doesn't do much for the internal organs + appetite. It is said beauty is only skin deep. However, there are evolutionary psychologists who would disagree, based on their research, of course.

A fabulous makeup artist once told me that he felt women should gracefully embrace the concept of growing old. He pointed out that makeup can cover flaws & plastic surgery can boost confidence. However, certain aging factors are difficult to hide, such as wrinkled hands, sagging neck skin & attitude. I know there are now surgical remedies for the hands & neck, but eventually time is going to become one's enemy & outer beauty will fade. One's inner beauty will always remain & reflect, if one ages with dignity, confidence, grace & kindness. There are some truly beautiful women out there, who refuse to flaunt their figures in distasteful manners or wear 10 layers of makeup to hide their scars or pretend to enjoy whatever the hipsters are currently digging. These are the women that little girls should look up to, admire & respect verses the glam, Barbie doll ditzy ones. 

I am relieved my baby ended up being a boy. I hear boys are easier to raise (I am sure they have their own challenges). Being a chick, I can't imagine the hardships that entail with raising teenaged girls. I was a pain in the ass & Queen B to my parents during my adolescent, teen & young adult years. The only child syndrome did not create a completely spoiled monster. No, I understood the concept or hard work & making money by watching my parents struggle & become workaholics. I, however, did throw my share of temper tantrums to get my way with curfews, dating rules, attending concerts, my choice in music, attending parties, moving to FL at age 15 to pursue a lame, short-lived music career, signing over guardianship to my BFF & music partner's mother in order to move to Florida to pursue said music career, quitting grad school, getting my own apartment(s).... Yep, I was a tough kid to raise. 

I think I finally understand & appreciate all the sacrifices my parents made for me. God only knows why they allowed me to do so much. I don't know many individuals who lived their adolescent/teen years away from their parents, other than those who went to boarding school. My upbringing was significantly different from my husband's. We discuss this fairly often & how we want to raise Noah differently. He feels siblings are unnecessary burdens, whereas I, being an only child, feel siblings can prevent loneliness. Obviously, he disagrees. When it comes to education, he feels private schools are a great option, especially in a kid's early years. I agree to an extent, but only attended private school for 1 year, which I despised. I feel public school can allow children to develop realistic views of the world, but do fear the dangers associated with schools in general nowadays. When it comes to discipline, I already know I will be stuck playing the bad cop role. Husband is simply too nice & a bit indecisive. For crying out loud, it took him nearly 20 minutes to get rid of the home security solicitor at the door the other evening. I would not have even opened the glass storm door & cut the dude off before he could even think about unleashing his rehearsed spiel. I hate pressure sales tactics & my temper flairs when people are too insistent or refuse to listen to me. When I say no, I mean no. I feel like certain sales individuals are just too damn ignorant to comprehend the word "no", which is fine in their line of work. Eventually someone's "no" will turn into a "yes", right?

Sigh...it's not even 8AM & my eyes are already heavy from sleep deprivation. Should have made stronger coffee. Must stay awake & get dressed. Otherwise, I will be forced to greet the gas man in a t-shirt, bird nest hair & raccoon dark circle bags under my eyes. Classy. (:

Until next time.... XoXo ~ HMBC