Bruises

The other day I went into full on "mama bear" mode against what I thought was a spider crawling on my sweet baby's face. He was napping in the stroller, while we were visiting/working at the grandparents' store. All of the sudden I see him start squirming, with his eyes still tightly shut, and a medium sized bug crawling over his nose towards his eyes & forehead. I jumped up & shouted something about a spider on my baby & attempted to grab it. Those of you who know me, know that I am deathly scared of spiders. Seriously, I have broken out in hives from the mere sight of a spider in a movie & have gotten irrationally angry at my mother, who once decided to grab a LARGE spider from a window sill & walk towards me with it. Any ways, the spider-like bug escaped my desperate grasp & started crawling on Noah's arm. I immediately grabbed his Eeyore lovey & swatted the bug off of my sweet boy. It fell to the floor & I stomped on it several times until I was sure it was dead. I, then, proceeded to stroke my sweet little one's cheek & face to ensure him that the evil bug was gone & to check for any bites. One customer & my parents witnessed this ordeal & they all found it rather amusing. My mom told the customer that she was shocked at how I reacted because she knows how afraid of spiders I am. She said, "I guess mama instinct trumps fear, huh?"

Yeah, the "mama bear" instinct is pretty powerful. This past weekend, while putting the baby's new walker/exersaucer together, my husband accidentally dropped a part from the box. This heavy plastic tray bounced off of the floor & slammed into the back of Noah's head, who happened to be doing tummy time on the floor beside me. Filled with fear, I shouted at my husband as our little one bursted into tears. As I scooped Noah up to examine his head, my husband yells, "It  didn't hit him! It didn't hit him!" Clearly, he could not see the red welt on the back of Noah's head, near his birthmark. I was livid for a few seconds, but quickly decided it was necessary to calm down & console our crying son verses continuing to argue with husband. I told hubby to grab an extra bottle of breast milk from the fridge & gently put our son in his carseat. I grabbed the diaper bag & our son, while hubby followed with keys & bottle in tow. 

Noah was fine, but I wanted to get him checked out, just in case. The ER discharged him after a couple of hours. We, as dutiful and worried parents, stayed up all night, looking out for any symptoms or signs of trouble. We followed up with his pediatrician on Monday, who pointed out the bruise next to his birthmark & confirmed he was fine. However, due to some muscle tone concerns from his recent 6 month checkup, she changed her mind about him seeing the neurologist. Her concern is that his muscles may be too tight or stiff, which could be caused by several different scenarios - specifically related to his early arrival into the world. Of course Google did me a huge disservice by filling my head with a zillion additional worries, based on our pediatrician's concerns. So, apparently being a mother = worrying about your child for the rest of your life, huh?

Any ways, the song Bruises by Train feat. some chick singer, reminded me that we all do, indeed, have bruises - emotionally & physically. I feel sympathy (and pity) for those who have created a life of unnecessary dramatic moments, simply out of boredom, jealousy, or whatever other justification they may have. I made the assumption that the majority of "adults" grow out of high school antics when they reproduce. However, perhaps a genetic mental flaw (like mother like daughter(s)) contributes to the attention-seeking desperation of needing to feel included, whether in a positive or negative manner?

Eh, what the hell do I know? And why the hell do I even care anymore? I don't. Or perhaps I am lying. Maybe it does irk me, but then again, no one will ever know. If I was wise, I would just say "screw people who dislike me" because they are not worth it my time or concern. I would tell myself that life is way too short to get annoyed with strangers who probably have too much time on their idle hands. Maybe I am not old enough to be that wise....

I am told that we are masters of our own happiness & therefore the opinions & harsh words of mere strangers are simply insignificant. I guess I am supposed to chant the cliched childhood statement - "Sticks & stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" to make myself feel better? Yeah, we all know that words can still sting. Just because an individual is affected by someone's harsh words, does not make them weak-minded or fragile. The reality is that people can be mean-spirited, hurtful, spiteful & cruel. Additionally, those cruel intentions (unlike the movie) are not as "cool" as people seem to think. When the tables are turned, when the plots, ploys & attacks are directed at them, tempers flair. It's as if certain individuals thrive on dishing out their biased truths, but are unable to face realities when thrown back at them. They are simply ignorant, hypocritical, and uneducated. So, for those dealing with the delusional, stubborn "bullies", I say to remind yourselves that those individuals, who try so hard to break you down, are merely insignificant, annoying gnats on your radar. Simply squash them out of your lives & move on to more important things in life.  (: